Q of the Week: What do you miss most about your pre-mom self? (by Heather S.)
Tuesday, September 7, 2010 at 07:00AM 
I caught a glimpse of my “old self”… and I liked it!
One question I love to ask other moms is, “ What do you miss most about your pre-mom self?” I recently posed this question to a Moms’ Club, and their answers varied wildly from missing their flat stomachs, feeling brain numb from dealing with small children all day — to remembering how easy it was to get in the car and do something … anything before they had children.
As for my pre-mom self … I miss sleep. I miss my alone time, I miss wandering aimlessly down each grocery store isle, I miss not caring what time it is, I miss silence, and I miss my husband. But one thing I hadn’t really thought about in a long time was how I missed my love of the outdoors. Before I had children some of my favorite moments were with nature.
I know plenty of women who take their babies camping, but it would have been disastrous with my poor sleepers. We tried a few time to hike wearing a baby backpack, but I didn’t have the most adaptable young kids. The adventures always ended early in frustration. I never really felt comfortable taking them on a kayak or a canoe because the thought of being trapped on a small boat with a fussy child was not my idea of fun. I just forgot all about these aspects of my old life, because it didn’t seem to fit into my new one.
It wasn’t until this summer with my children — now ages 5 and 3, that we started experimenting with some of our old interests and passions. In July we went camping, in August we tried kayaking on a river and in September we climbed a mountain. And you know what? The kids loved it! We all loved it! I haven’t felt more like “me” in years!
Can we go at the speed, length or even the locations we used to? Not yet, but, we can bring back the love of nature-which for years made me incredibly happy and peaceful. I can take parts of my pre-mom self and mold them into my new life with children. It is a start, and it feels wonderful!
When we become moms we don’t have to give up everything else that makes us happy. In fact, quite the opposite. Identify what it is that makes us feel charged and go do it!
Now it’s your turn … What do YOU miss most about your pre-mom self?
Is there something you can do to bring it back — even in an adapted form?
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Heather is a life coach for moms, a middle school counselor and a mama who is committed to rocking her mojo! She has two extremely “spirited,” independent and strong-willed children who test her, teach her and exhaust her…several times a day! You can read more about her at My Mama Mojo.
Reader Comments (11)
I see photos of myself on trips abroad and I remember how much freedom I had to improvise as each new exciting day dawned. I had time to sleep and do whatever-the-hell I wanted. Admittedly, I miss those days sometimes.
I miss the 'winging it' freedom of staying up late, traveling on a whim (especially other countries) and quite frankly, having the money to do so.
I sounds shallow but I miss wearing high heels and my face without brown patches from melasma!!!! I try to think they are something like "baby tattoos" but looking at my face in the mirror and looking the patches well placed to look like mustache is pretty depressing. Hoping to see the dermatologist next week!!
My first child, the Theater, could always come first. I miss the luxury of being totally engrossed in that community and those post-performance highs....(hard to separate them in my memory from those disillusioned lows, though.) The one thing I truly mourn unreservedly is my pre-mommy metabolism...I could eat no wrong.
I would say the freedom to just "go" and "do" at the drop of a hat. That's what I miss!
Great reflections mamas! How can we bring back some of these passions-even on a small scale to start?
I too miss the ease of just leaving the house on a whim. I pack pretty lightly and that just isn't practical with kids. There are so many more things to remember. It is definitely getter easier as they get older though. I can at least run errands with out them now. I've been teaching them to pack their own suitcases all along, so the oldest can do his unsupervised and the next two only need a little supervision. The barely 3yo still needs me to do it all. I'll be so glad when diapers and wipes aren't a part of the picture.
I'll just echo everyone else and say that I miss being able to improvise my plans and schedule.
Another big thing - I miss my house the way it was - no grime on the walls, stains on the couches, and messes made by kids who are wildly passing through.
Yet on the other hand, those reminders of the little beings in our house also make me smile, too! Depends on my mood...
Oh yes!!!! The house, that is a great one! I have come to accept the fact that nothing is truly "mine" anymore.
I seriously have trouble remembering the house before kids ... though I can picture it toy-less ... which at this point sounds rather sterile. The endless trail of toys and clothes and books and drawings and markers and popsicle wrappers ... this I wouldn't mourn at all. And Lego? It gets it's own special place in the annals of torture ... damn that stuff hurts under bare feet on hardwood floors!
Now that's an intense question! I love my life & roll as Mama and would never trade it for anything! There are several things I miss in my carefree, un-interrupted, extinct life. A spur of the moment decision to take a trip-staying as long as I like and doing what I want, when I want. Meandering about in ANY store; no schedule involved (not having to worry if your kids decide to take their place on the bottom shelf of produce or canned goods or hiding under garment racks). I REALLY wish I could just go to the fitness center and work out anytime I want!!!! Although, up until the kids were 4 & 5, they were happy to get up and go with me at 7:30 am almost every morning. Now there is work, school and soccer, that comes into play with me, me, me time. Going to a party/get together and not have to worry about waking up and caring for the kids. Not having to worry about a babysitter. Not being cautious about speaking on certain issues or topics. Going to the restroom anytime you please!!! (Now-a-days, it could take 2 hours before I actually get to go...) Watching R - rated movies anytime you want.
The list could go on & on ....Like I mentioned before, I would NEVER trade my life in for the previous one. You learn to adjust to growth stages, accept and adapt to, what is.