When it comes to daily life, I seem to alternate between being worried about things, and being blissfully sure it will all work out.  This applies to a lot of things in my life, from how Fynn’s party will turn out (amazingly well!) to whether I’m being a good enough friend, bought the right present, how to pay the bills, and all sorts of trivial (or not) details.  I don’t tend to worry about health, accidents, death, or the random things I can’t really control.

The think that I’m truly afraid of, however, is whether I’m scarring my kids with my imperfect parenting.  I get angry.  I show my frustrations.  I do a lot of things that I wish I didn’t.  I can write articles on how imperfect parenting is to be expected and accepted, but I have trouble remembering it.  It’s just something I’m afraid of.  I’m also afraid of heights, enclosed spaces, and having no options, to name a few :).

What are you afraid of?  Does it paralyze you or motivate you? 

Post a comment below to answer, and thanks for sharing!

While the idea of lounging on the beach with a good book is almost laughable to me at the moment (sun? time? peace and quiet?!, vacation?) a girl can still dream!  (Note the use of girl: definitely dreaming!)  What’s on your reading list?  The back of the cereal box and Curious George Takes a Trip (x42) don’t really count unless you’re really wanting to read them, but who’s judging here?  Not I!

I love a good book and am currently nibbling my way through an edition of Open City from 2006 (NYC) that’s a great anthology of fiction and nonfiction short stories.  I’ve also got something called Eating the Sun waiting in the pile, and would love to get my hands on anything by Michael Pollan other than The Omnivore’s Dilemma.  I’ve also just started re-reading Mister God, This is Anna, but this time it’s out loud to my oldest son.  The only time I find to read really is very late at night, when I’ve collapsed into bed and have a wee bit of energy left.  I really miss being able to chew off a big chunk of a novel in one bite, but if I find something I just can’t put down, I will end up staying up till 3 or 4am to get through it.  I love books :)

So, what’s on your list?  Let’s hear it!

Have you ever had any pregnancy-related depression?

One of the more famous mom-bloggers I read (Dooce) just had another baby yesterday, and I’m praying she doesn’t suffer from PPD this time around like she did last time.  That post-birth euphoria, which many experience, doesn’t last and often there’s a real depression that sets in.  The Baby Blues and PPD are both very real issues!

When I read Manic last week, I was struck by two things.  How incredibly hard she worked to hide her illness (especially once she knew what it was), and also how her dad and others refused to recognize it as a illness.  It was just a little annoyance that could be solved by positive thinking and hard work.  While I believe there are many things that can be done to help someone who’s depressed, it does no good to treat it like it doesn’t exist!  Denial never works.

To answer the question myself, I know I’ve had bouts of depression after each birth, but nothing that lasted for months or had me unable to get out of bed.  I’ve had a few times in my life where I was that depressed (wanted to sleep all day, couldn’t be bothered to do anything, long bouts of tears) but it never lasted for more than a couple of days. I couldn’t be bothered to reach out to anyone, and wanted to be alone.  That taste was enough to make me have real sympathy for anyone struggling with chronic depression!

I hate the idea that it’s thought of as something shameful that needs to be hidden.  It’s something to acknowlege, and then get help for!  The expectation put on new parents (or moms in general) that we need to have it all together, always, is maddening.  I see the overwhelmed looks on the faces of moms everywhere, especially when they think no one is looking.  We need it to be ok not to be ok.  Capiche?  (channeling Mrs Piasecki, my passionately Italian 3rd grade teacher)

So, have you hever had any pregnancy-related depression?  Please share!

Do you have everything planned out?  Nothing planned and panicking?  Ready to fly by the seat of your pants and cool with that?  I’d love to know.  I’m hoping to get Douglas in a tennis class, just to get him into something that requires focused physical activity (just stopped long enough to contact the teacher, finally!), and we have a vaguely planned family camping trip.  Other than that I have one foot in the “nothing planned and panicking a bit” camp, and the other planted firmly in the “seat of my pants” category. 

I love having lazy days, and tend to avoid schedules whenever possible.  The days where I let the time fritter away and we end up doing all the same things over and over … there are too many of these in my history.  I really do need to actually plan occasional outings, and there are endless local helps for me in this regard.  I just don’t plan it!  It’s really not about finances as I like to pretend, though that does have some influence. 

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