The Importance of Being Right
Monday, March 15, 2010 at 11:29PM 
Watching the blowup and fallout over a guest post on one of my favorite blogs recently, something finally clicked in my mind. It’s an idea a good friend of mine has been stressing for years. It’s something that I sniffed at while listening to someone try desperately to prove his theological position last week. It’s something I struggle with daily in my relationship to my oldest son. It’s how badly we want to be RIGHT.
The blog post in question was on the sensitive subject of religion, specifically how the writer had schooled her kids about it. After briefly expressing her feelings about the church she was raised in, commenters trounced her right and left for her opinions, and did their best to demean her, ridicule her, and prove her Wrong and Unenlightened and Mean. Their actions showed how desperately they wanted to be Right, stooping to behavior directly condemned by the religion they were attempting to defend.
We all want to be right. It’s comfortable to have that moral stake on our side of the line, isn’t it? We can stand unshakable in our position, sure that anyone who doesn’t agree is somehow wrong. Right and wrong have their importance, and I don’t pretend to throw them (or morality) under the bus. Wrong choices can have devastating consequences, and cause tremendous pain. I justify my right/wrong arguments with my son by telling myself it’s for his own good, when in fact it’s my need to prove my rightness.
I just don’t think right and wrong are the primary filters we want to use when it comes to our daily life. Our focus should be on making the most excellent choices we can, and pursuing Truth, not Rightness, as our goal. Looking for truth, seeking it out, and recognizing the thunk as a nugget finds its resting place in our hearts. Truth sings, Rightness pounds. Truth lights its surroundings, Rightness draws a border. I’d far rather be caught speaking the truth, in love, than pounding Right stakes into the ground to keep my position clear.
Reader Comments (5)
"truth, not rightness" rang a bell...
Odd, isn't it, that while the nouns hate, love, lie etc., all translate directly into verbs--we can hate, we can love, we can lie--the same is not true in any language I know for "truth."
You can't truth someone.
At least according to current grammar/syntax/semantics.
Must be some int'g reason for the lack...
People don't want to be tolerant of other people's truths, they just want there to be ONE truth... and they want it to be THEIRS.
It's sad when people get so up in the business of others who are speaking about what works for them. Religion is such a personal journey, I don't know why people can't just get on their own path and let others get on theirs.
You're right, Bethany— it's all about wanting (needing!) to be right, which means someone else has to be wrong.
A question I often ask myself is "Right for whom?" This is not always the appropriate question, but often it is. Is something sometime right for my son, but would not be for me? Frequently. And, I have to remember that.
Bethany, You speak like a glass of fresh filtered water about truth.
Who's one Truth is the next question. There isn't one answer same as who is in the Right? There is no such thing. You have to constantly ask yourself if you've been the best you can be and if you've been open and honest. Then relax and enjoy your conversations and the people you're talking with. That's what I do anyway; who cares if it's right or the truth? Nothing is. Relax and enjoy it.
Thanks for all the feedback, it's appreciated! Harvey, interesting indeed, and CarolP, good reminder! I do find truth more useful (and often universal) than rightness. Not something that can be verbed as Harvey points out, which may speak to how it's shared ... more searching to do!