Please share!

No matter what, never raise your voice. Pray, count to 10 or however long it takes to cool off. Go in another room. One person I know would sing to keep herself under control. Once you start raising your voice, it will be SO hard to stop. It's like you've crossed a line. And then.....guess what? Your kids will copy you!

OK, I am going to be really honest here. I wish I had been told that I was going to lose my freedom, almost completely. Yes, you realize in the back of your mind that you will now be responsible for another human bieng, but you don't really grasp the fact that you no longer have your life to yourself until you have a child needing you 24/7. I wouldn't trade it for a billon dollars, but I wish I had really understood this in terms of "timimg". I might have waited another year if I had truly understood this.

I too agree with Bethany, as my son will be 5 next month, that always answering every single "why" question does have it's drawbacks. He's so smart now. I am so glad that she shared that her 6 yr old is argumentative. So is mine. Argue, disobey, argue, disobey....it seems we just go in a never ending circle. Did I encourage this independence? He actually comes out and says "No, I am not going to do it"! What?? Where did the little questioner go?

Does anyone have a 7 or 8 year old who can give me some advice? I don't want to be the strict "Because I said so!" Type Mommy....but what do I do about the disobedience?

I don't know if it would help if I had known before motherhood, but the thing that surprised me the most is the amount of paperwork with being a Mom! Part of the issue for me is that my oldest has food allergies and some other health issues, so anything that has to be filled out about health history, medications, etc. is quite the ordeal. He is a senior in high school and it has only gotten worse since he is involved in more things. I'm hoping he will be taking over the paperwork next year in college!

For CAH and her smart, but disobedient child - consequences. If the disobedience will not harm him, explain to him that he has that choice, but by choosing to disobey he is also choosing to lose some privilege. You have to be careful here to pick something that you can follow through on and that is the appropriate significance to match the disobedience.

If there is a safety issue related to his disobedience, you can explain the risk. But if that does not convince him, then you do have abandon the logical arguments, and be the demanding mother for his sake.

All that being said, pick your fights. Some of them are not worth the energy. Make sure it is not just a power struggle. His independence may be a sign that you need to let up on the control a bit. They grow faster than we can adjust sometimes.

I wish I had known that my daughter was going to be a "morning person" -- I would have trained myself for this. I am a night person. I can't sleep before 11pm. I used to tell my husband not to wake me up before double digits. Now, even if I tried I can't sleep past 7am!

Thanks for the advice Carol. I do give consequences for disobeying, but you struck me with the "pick your battles." I tend to immediately react when he says "NO", and does not do what he is told (which is about 98% of the time now), but perhaps you are right, and I might be too strict and he is pushing back now that he is getting out of toddlers. I'm going to use your advice and try adjusting that starting today. Any others have advice too?? Thank you!!!!

I also wanted to share a letter that circulated about a Mom who was just advised by her Daughter that she was considering becoming pregnant and asked what she thought. YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS. Copy and send it to all women you know thinking of becoming pregnant, or are, or might soon be, then tell them it's posted here on sanemoms.com, and invite them to JOIN.

Being A Mom
We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking.
"Do you think I should have a baby?" "It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. "I know," she says,"no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I looked at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moments hesitation. I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child-care, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who carefully bathes the baby or who never hesitates to feed, change or play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.