Friday roundup, which stalled in the starting gate ...
Friday, March 2, 2012 at 10:29PM 
Here we are, another Friday, and I’ve not posted all week. Can’t say why really. Some of the things running through my head though, for your random pleasure …
Am I hitting the edges of menopause, God help me, and if so am I really really done having kids? Hm? Really? Not 100% sure, but close, still that shred of doubt makes me wonder if and when I’ll regret it. I really don’t know. Logic and practicality says no way am I ever having another, but it’s not all logic and practicality now is it? Maybe it’s just hormonal meanderings in my mushy brain.
Speaking of mushy brains, mine’s not been up to par lately, I’ve had more trouble focusing on what’s in front of me, and though I’m taking some supplements and stuff I’m not sure if it’s just February doldrums (yes I know it’s March now, but shhhh, I haven’t made a March banner yet and won’t likely get to it for a few days so I’m pretending … ) or something else. It’s not major, but I’ve lacked my usual energy for awhile now.
Speaking of March, my eldest enters into the double digits on Sunday, and that has me all in a bit of a tailspin as to how on earth I got here, and is this life, and these kids, really mine? Just one of those how-did-I-get-here weeks, and yet the love I have for my boys, all of them, seems to have skyrocketed suddenly. Beats me why, but I’ll take it … they’re amazing me with pretty much everything. I’m not so comfy with the warm fuzzy thing, but figuring out how to express it is pretty important, and back scratches (which they all love to death) have started happening a bit more frequently for starters.
Speaking of 10, which D will be in two days, there is a passel of boys headed here tomorrow night for a sleepover, and I’m fretting over GF vs non GF snacks, how much they’ll consume, and whether or not they’ll find enough to do. That last bit is a silly notion, because I don’t doubt that the’ll all have a blast and not need any custom activities or entertainment. Just because I can’t see/plan it I of course have to worry.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about D’s namesake the last week, who happens to be pictured above. This summer will be 12 years since he died, but I think I’m belatedly processing some things that I didn’t let myself feel at the time as his death was just 7 weeks before our wedding, and senseless. He was to be the best man. I miss him, and perhaps my D turning 10 is making me think about it all a bit more? I’m letting the feelings wash over me, rather than stuffing them in, but it doesn’t make for very hot blog post writing.
Happy Friday, and may your weekend be a smooth one!
Reader Comments (6)
So true! Until I had kids I did not feel time passing so fast! I just realized today that I will never be 25 again (as 25 means being young and with an entire future ahead). Hoboken is packed with young people today celebrating St. Patricks Day and I just look at them walking around with so much enthusiasm (of course some of their enthusiasm is just for drinking!) but I just wonder when is it that people lose that enthusiasm and just end up like everybody else, paying bills and working hard. And yet I would not trade going back, to start over!!
Now I'm distracted by the above comment. Isn't it a little early to be celebrating St. Patrick's day? Obviously you survived the party and I trust D had a great birthday. What the heck, have one more lol! I always want one more and I'm too old so tag, you're it.
I think that in every mom there is always a secret longing for "one more". I think it is just love expressing itself. It can't always be carried out, but I think the root cause is "love".
The crazy whirlwind before your wedding... a time I will never forget and that I am grateful to have shared with you.
Rob and I were recently in your position regarding another baby. I was sure I was done, Rob not so much. In the end, finding myself (inexplicably) pregnant was the best news. Any tiny doubts I had were released, replaced with joy, and now our family feels complete and perfect. We all get to cherish this tiny baby, and the boys are old enough to really love her (rather than be threatened by her, as they are with each other so often). And yesterday she wore the outfit you sent Marty when he was born - I took a picture to send to you!
@Lia, I know what you mean, I'd not go back either but I do have fond memories of that enthusiasm, and think it's not gone but resting and maturing :)
@Bridget ... Grin, ok I'm tagged, but may pass it on ...
@Whit's End Mom ... thanks for that, touched my heart
@Tracy ... Thank God you were there with me, I needed every single one of you ladies, and have huge chunks of that time I can't remember at all. So glad your tribe is complete, I'm soooo happy you have a girl :) and a pic would be great!
Was scrolling through and caught the pic of Doug above. Thought you'd want to know, it caught me.