The polarization of the holidays
Wednesday, December 14, 2011 at 02:20PM 
I’ve started to see a trend in the holiday season, and this year is proving no exception. You know the whole “holiday spirit” thing, and how people are supposedly friendlier and cheerier in general during the month of December? In the last few weeks I’ve had experiences on the bus, the subway, and in the post office, that make me doubt the overall pervasiveness of this fairy dusting of cheer. Sure it’s there for many, and real, but I’m seeing the other side of things too.
Last week, coming home from grocery shopping, I was toting my back-straining load of stuff from Trader Joes and waiting for the bus. The 4:30 pm crowds were as thick as usual, but not talking. No pushing in line, no dramas, just quietly filing on the bus, and sitting silently. None of the usual chatter. No jostling, no flirting, no commentary. The same thing’s been happening on the subway, with quieter than usual crowds, at least during my rush-hour forays into Manhattan for Fynn’s cello lessons. Frenetic Salvation Army bell ringers on the streets, and camera-happy crowds straining to see the Rockefeller Plaza tree, but overall it feels like there’s some of that blanket-of-snow kind of quietness drifting through the streets. It has a sadder tinge that underlies the quiet though. Are you feeling it?
I’ve read how the holidays always see a spike in suicide rates, and I don’t doubt it. The expectations are hard to avoid: happy family dinners, parties, gifts, performances … even if you don’t want to participate in any of those things, the trappings are all over, staring you in the face. Missing those who’ve died in the past year tends to peak now too, weaving a thread of sorrow through it all. I seem to be feeling that wave of disappointments and hurts when I’m out in public lately, it’s part of the silence. Tiredness, quietness, loneliness. The percentage of my city that isn’t “feeling it” is on my mind.
I’m wavering myself, between looking forward to visitors, stressing about schedules, and wondering if I’ve done ‘enough’, whatever that mythical mark is. I know though that one of the things my boys want the most is time together playing. It’s simple, but they’re the happiest if I spend an hour on the floor playing lego, or suggest a family game night. They don’t care about the dinner or the tidiness, and just want to be with me relaxing, not me serving. I’m hoping to give them that gift, I know it will do me good too.
Douglas asked me yesterday why they were still selling trees on the street. My explanation that some people’s tradition was to buy a tree Christmas Eve surprised him, as he’d forgotten that Christmas hadn’t come yet! He remembered the night we got and trimmed the tree as Christmas, and subconsciously thought it was over. Point taken. If our only holiday tradition (or expectation) is that we spend time together as a family, I’m happy with that.
Reader Comments (5)
That's a pretty awesome misremembering he had. I am traditionally not very good at the holidays. I have slowly transitioned out of full bore hate and dread into a sort of trying. Inevitably something derails my trying and I simply don't care about getting back on the tracks. I'm sure my illness of the last week has a psychological component as well as a physical one. I spend a lot of time just hoping that nothing goes wrong rather than looking forward to something going right. I guess if I set the bar very low...
I am looking forward to the holidays more than usual this year, partly because we are spending Christmas at our own place this year. I know what you mean about not seeing all the suposed joy. I sometimes feel like I'm the only looking forwaed to Christmas. That is so awesome that Dougles forgot Christmas hasn't already come.
Sweet--that's the perfect family tradition. I have such a love/hate relationship with this month just in all that feels like it must be done before Christmas--all of it self manufactured, mind you. We keep our celebration simple, and try to have homemade gifts play a large role. Which makes for a very busy month. And I'm really feeling it today--the constant making/doing/going has caught up to me. So I'm taking the night off, and going to go watch a movie and do nothing. :-)
(Meant to also say that I *love* the new design here. So clean and crisp. Really great on the eyes.)
@ Kizz, I get more that way every year, and honestly it's probably only my kids expectations that keep me from being grinchy about the entire thing. i hope you feel better soon, in every way!
@ Bridget, glad you're looking forward to it! I have my moments :)
@ Jen, handmade does make for another kind of stress, I've almost given up on it for this year already. I hope your night off did some good? Sounds like a great idea ... and thanks for the kind words about the design :).