Motherhood as a relationship
Thursday, February 25, 2010 at 04:53PM I joined in on the Perfect Moms Finish Last preview call today (thanks Carley!) and aside from a great-sounding series of classes (I’d definitely join it if I had my pennies lined up!) one thing really stuck in my head. She referred to an essay by Judith Stadtman Tucker called The New Future of Motherhood. The part that caught my real attention was the idea that we shouldn’t label motherhood as a job, but as a relationship. It’s not something to be graded on, assessed at, promoted to, or fired from. It’s not something to perfect. It’s simply unhelpful to apply the job analogy, as it implies so many things that frame motherhood in the wrong context. Relationships are messy, complicated, two-sided, and cover every possible range of emotions. They’re a lifelong pursuit, and something that we often feel ambivalent about. I am Douglas and Fynn’s mother. They are my kids: a relationship that we’ll be working on for the rest of our lives, in various states of harmony, volatility, and depth. I like that.
This obviously relates to the Q of the Week about competitive motherhood … if it’s a relationship who are we competing with?!
check it out, musings
Reader Comments (1)
Bethany—
So glad you could make the call. So glad I could share what has been a VERY influential article and concept to me. And so glad that it resonated with you. When I first read it, it was like a lightbulb went on—of COURSE the word "job" creates undue pressure and stress that really isn't necessary! And the fact that we buy into the idea and try to "do the best job" at parenting just seals our fate. SIgh.
And I love your question: If it's a relationship, who are we competing with? Too true! Seems so silly, right? We're all looking for the answer to the question, "How do I do this right?" OUTSIDE of ourselves, instead of looking within at what makes sense for ourselves, our children, our families, our RELATIONSHIPS.
The Perfect Moms Finish Last 6-Week course is all about this stuff. http://www.perfectmomsfinishlast.com/go. I've been creating this class in my mind for a few years now and I'm so happy that it's out in the world!