Question of the Week : How many kids do/did you want?
Monday, June 1, 2009 at 08:38PM 
I asked my husband yesterday if he still wanted to have more kids. We’ve talked in the past about wanting at least three, but with our 2nd hitting the 3-year-mark next month, I’m not so sure anymore. His response to the question was “well if it helps stave off menopause, then by all means!” I think he’s afraid I’ll be even crankier in menopause than I am pregnant, which probably is something to be feared!
Joking aside, I don’t know if want to try for more or not. I grew up as one of three, and pitied those with no siblings, or just one, assuming that three was great and four would be even better as you’d not be stuck with 2:1 all the time! I never thought about how many I’d want of my own, and once married my dear idealistic husband was making noises about having a dozen, and I was making it clear if he did, they wouldn’t all be with me. I married at 29, had Douglas at 31, and Fynn just over 4 years later.
I can imagine having three, but don’t know if I’m up for it. I had a friend say that if I did have any more, to not ever complain about finances again: harsh but he made a point! It’s not just finances though, it’s the thought of going back to diapers and sleepless nights that make it hard, as well as crunching the numbers as to how old I’ll be when teaching kid number three to drive, or kicking her (I’d hope!) out of the nest.
How many kids did you want before you actually had any? How many do you want now? Does it cause conflict in your relationship? Please weigh in with your thoughts!
Question of the Week | tagged pregnancy
Reader Comments (11)
I came from a family of 2. So i always imagined that 2 was the perfect number. I had a brother, so we rarely fought over clothes, space in the bedroom, or toys, because we were so different.
I had 2 boys that arrived only 17 months apart. Help!! Two fighting, wrestling testosterone filled boys... I was done... oh so done... and oh so busy...
But two years later... there was this wish for pink dresses and pottery barn's beautiful pink rooms. We had a girl... i was done. Complete... i could handle the girls, and my husband... well he understood the boys better.. he was one.
When our girl was 8 months old... i booked my tubal ligation... yay... all done. When i went for my pre-op visit... guess what??? yes ... #4 was on the way.
I cried, wept, and gritted my teeth as i got fatter and fatter and more miserable. Number 4 was/is our little sunshine. ALthough she has the loudest voice imaginable for such a skinny kid... we hear her singing quite frequently.
So... i wanted two, God gave me four... I am happy... and REALLY DONE. Well... happy most of the time anyway... i can say this now. b/c they are all in bed... and don't we love them the most when they are tucked in bed???
Gowing up I always enjoyed family reunions. There was always so much food and so many wonderful people to enjoy and all the fun that us cousins had. My great-grandparents both came from large families. However, they only had 1 daughter and my father only had my sister and I. I too wanted a large family. I had decided that I wanted at least 4 children, however God gifted me with 2 boys. Now that my boys are 16 (almost 17) and 12 (almost 13) and with all the stuff that comes with having children these days, ipods, gameboys, DVD's, Internet, Sexting.... I am glad I only had 2.
Families worked together and stayed together through tough times and good. And back then, there were more tough than good. However, they always stuck together and worked together. Today, familes are screaming divorce before they sign the marriage license and wanting the other to sign prenup papers before they even think about marriage. Regardless of how we raise our children now, society teaches them to be lazy. They dont want to get out and play because it's "Too Hot", "Too Cold", and forget working at the local grocery store, or meat market, they want to be CEO before they get out of High School. I'm sure that our parents thought we spoke a strange language, but we were raised to respect our parents and our elders, today that is a joke.
There are too many evils out there fighting against us. In days gone by it took a community to raise a child. Today we tell them to mind their own business. Parents dont listen enough or pay enough attention. We overload our day and by the end are to tired to listen. The simple things have gone to the wayside. Dinner's together have changed to something in a bag and watching TV while eating.
I think we need to get back to basics....... throw out the TV, Ipods, Gameboys and start spending time outside with our families. Make time to read, play a game or listen to our kids. They might not do just exactly what we want, but maybe if we slow down long enough to listen and try to understand we might just win the battle.
I'm an only child. I was happy and never really yearned for siblings. I had plenty of cousins. I always thought that when I have children, I would be happy with two. Then I met my husband. He's from a family of five children and every time I see them together, I would wish the same "sibling-ness" for our kids. They get along really well and keep in regular touch despite all living oceans apart.
We discussed and decided that we wanted 3 children of our own. Now we have two --a boy and a girl. And have decided that this is it. I'm finally at peace with this decision. Our first is 4yo and second one just turned 2.
I'd had blogged about this here:
http://buckeroomama.blogspot.com/2009/04/third-child.html
I like the IDEA of a big family, four kids or so, but I don't know if that is for me or not. I have one now. I'm not ready for her to stop being my baby yet, but I was thinking I wanted my kids about 2.5 to 3 years apart so I'm going to have to get over that soon. I could probably do 3 if one was already in school. It's just so crazy to think how different it will be with two or three or whatever. BUT I also crave the baby times. Sure there's the lost sleep, but dang it, there's nothing better than snuggle naps! And the little bitty toes to chew on. And the teensie onesies. Sigh. Maybe I will be ready sooner than I thought.
Two is enough for us. We had considered only have 1 child--especially after it took quite a while for number 2 to arrive. Our girls are 4.5 years apart. My last pregnancy was difficult as I cared the baby so low I was uncomfortable and the doctors were concerned I would not go full term.
Our first daughter was an easy baby and learned things like potty training very quickly. Our second is very happy child and has challenges around learning potty training and going to bed that are trying our patience.
All signals that we need to stop with 2.
nebulously, always wanted somewhere between 5 and 7 - figuring that anything after 4 had to take on a life of its own. children are a gift and we have been given one wonder who is almost 7 now. life continues.
Have always wanted to have three or four or more, but that did not work out. Have two and had two miscarriages...still I do believe it's wonderful to have a lot of kids. It's especially nice once they are past the troubles of the teen years. My two kids are smart, loving, funny, sweet and supportive of me and each other. Their dad died young, so....
But honestly, if you have a loving and helpful spouse, who adores the children and unselfishly pitches in on all the work, have five. You will not regret it. And most of all, choose your husband to be carefully, know WHO and what he will be.
I thought I was ok with any number of kids except one or three. One being too lonely and three being 2 against 1 all the time. Now I have three and one! LOL Our youngest is 7 1/2 years behind the next oldest. As much as I love big families, I feel overwhelmed with the four I have.
It seems that everyone is leaving replies on the blog?
Well, I never thought I would have even one, but one was what I wanted. I wanted a girl. I had a boy, and then I was ever so grateful.
But then I thought soon after, I thought....I'm not too old to have another. I really want a girl, and/or another child. Unfortunately, my Ex-husband and I didn't make it although we still are kinda together. It's too late now, as I rally don't think I want to have a bay at 44, and finances are way out of the question, but it goes to show that you really CAN'T make up your mind until you've had kids, and then probably for a while after that!
In my past life (first marriage), I made it known that I would like to have 4 children. He said the term...."compromise." It was brought to my attention after my youngest was 4, that he did not want anymore. Devastation for me. After a the horrible experience of divorce, I am now married to my soul mate, who I knew long before my first husband. We have been trying for 2 1/2 years to conceive, which is very frustrating, to say the least! We would love to have a child of our "own", and, thankfully, he wonderfully considers my 2 boys, his and VS. At least one child are in our sights, but at my age of 38, it's looking pretty dim. I keep saying, "I don't want to be another Sarah and Abraham!" God has his timing. And if it's not in His timing, then so be it. I LOVED being pregnant, feeling a life beginning inside of me, nurturing, guiding and loving each child individually after birth! What a thrill! To those of you who are contemplating, keep looking at the options. God will provide!
Another thing to look at...is it because of pure selfishness that may come into play for not wanting to have another child? More of my time would be sacrificed. I would have to this and I would not be able to do that. The joy of a child should not be weighed in this manner!
Enjoy those you have and truly look forward to your future with them!
Hello Dawnloves5!!!
I was 38 when I had my little guy, and it took 1 month, so I was[u][b] very [/b][/u]lucky. My sister had her's in her late 30's and it took a few years, but 38 is by no means "not looking good". Hey, there's all kinds of help out there that insurance pays for!!
And, of course there are millions of babies around the world who need Mommies and Daddies, who would be [u][b]blessed[/b][/u] by having a Mommie with your attitude and hopefulness! Chosen ones are some of the most special and lucky of all. If you "could" give a child a good life, would you?? Frustration=no conception :(
I swear, I don't know HOW MANY women I know who, once they decided to stop "trying", conceived soon after. I don't know if it has to do with stress causing higher cortisol levels, which can cause you to not ovulate, but I know at least 5 women, maybe more. I know having my little guy at 38 is NOT unusual at the school he just started attending. At least 3/4 of the Mom's of his Kindergarten class is my age or considerably older.....44 :} His Teacher is the Youngest! And some are pregnant now too.
I wonder, how many of you Mom's out there had some of your kids in their late thirties or early Forties???
PLEASE POST A REPLY BACK (ON THE FORUM( WITH HOW OLD YOU WERE WITH YOUR LAST, SO Dawnloves5 DOESN'T GIVE UP HOPE!!!!!!!!!
Chat forum: http://www.sanemoms.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=266
<http://www.sanemoms.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=266>
So, as you say...don't give up your dream.
Peace and love,
Cindy ;)