Are they the same things as when you weren't a mom?

Surprisingly, I have discovered that I am passionate about being a Mom. I never thought I would be. Actually, I'm not really sure what kind of Mom I thought I would be, but I know I didn't think I would love it. I still need my career and my own dreams, but have found that dreams for my babies are right up there too. If someone had told me three years ago that my idea of a perfect moment would be my first baby fallen asleep across my belly filled with my second, feeling one breathing gently and the other kicking, I would have said they were crazy...

My child
Books
The Yankees
Chicago
My family (brothers * sisters * mom)
My friends

Well, for starters, other than the 'purging' of things that I mentioned earlier, I'd have to say sustainable living. Talking and learning and researching and dreaming. Ran across this article tonight from the NY Times Magazine and it certainly puts things clearly.

I'm also passionate about community building, relationships, and friendships. Bringing people together, especially disparate groups that can learn from each other. Mentoring. Learning. Finding patterns in things that match each other in crazy ways. New viewing points.

And then there's travel ... A latent passion, or I should say rather dormant one due to kids and economics :). But a passion nonetheless.

Running is becoming one too, going from a desire to a craving to a passion recently. My first half marathon is this weekend and I can't wait!

Things handmade out of wood. Silk. Freshly cut grass. Cilantro. Limes. Butter on my mom's homemade bread. Clean, thick sheets. My kid's kisses. My husband.

The list could go on, but I'll stop there for now :).

My passion hands down is being a mom. I love it, and strive to be the best mom I can be for my daughter.

When I first came to Japan at the tender age of 18, I soon became passionate about teaching English. I really mean passionate. I worked at one of the English Conversation Schools made possible by the bubble of the Japanese economy, and the “free time” system meant that there was always a shortage of curriculum. I often could be found, bent over a little electric typewriter, whiteout in hand trying to fix up a lesson for a group of “silver bullets” (this is what we called the extreme beginners) or “3 stars” (those elite few who were already almost fluent).

It took many years for me to work out that it’s probably not the coolest thing to say “I’m an English teacher in Japan”, in fact depending on who you say it to, you might want to lower your voice as far as possible. By this stage, I’d also become somewhat jaded myself. Who were these people trying to learn English? Why were they always asking me what I cooked for dinner? What was the point of all this? I had hit a wall, and it’s easy to do in a business (the English Conversation School business) that does not necessarily provide a lot of in-house training and professional development opportunities.

Fast forward through all my jobs – overseas program coordinator at the YMCA, administrative assistant at Nihon Fukushi University, relocation consultant at H&R Consultants, counselor and life coach in private prac-tice, and free-lance writer of the X-Pat Files. Now I have two children, who I’m trying to raise bilingually and bi-culturally. Teaching English doesn’t seem so pointless any more, now, does it? Have I come full circle?

For some months, perhaps some years now I have been meandering on in my life, enjoying the various things that have come my way but without my central passion. Of course I have my family, and my family will always make anything worth the daily grind, but without a drive or a focus it is sometimes hard to make decisions about where you’re going.

I went to New York in the summer with the kids last year, and I met a life coach friend of mine for the first time in person. Bethany lives with her two kids and husband in a tiny apartment in a brownstone building in New York. Bethany’s husband is what you’d call a struggling artist trying to make it in a rather large pool of struggling artists. They have young kids. To afford the rent on the tiny apartment, they rent out the master bedroom to a roommate and agree to fix all the deteriorating apartments in the building for the landlord. It’s perhaps not a perfect situation, but they had drive, they had passion and from where I stood they had everything that I had not. Of course my friend goes through her own struggles to keep focus day to day (she has devoted this WHOLE website to the struggles young mothers face). However, Bethany was a true inspiration to me. She taught me that some things are worth fighting for. Some things are important. And if you stay open to it long enough, those important things that are worth fighting for will make themselves known.

So you could say that I’ve had an itch to scratch ever since last summer when I went to New York. Trying to balance writing, kids and all that goes with that, wrestling with my own personal demons every day – has kept me moving in circles.

In the past when I’ve been stuck in circles, I’ve found the best thing to do is to do something I never thought was possible – bust out in some direction to see how that feels. For me this time, that giant leap of faith came in the form of checking into sending the kids to International School.

I’ve never thought of myself as an International School parent. Last year, I even participated in a survey of “parents who could send their kids to international school but don’t”. That experience challenged my pre-conceived notions somewhat and finally, a couple of weeks ago I took the plunge to arrange a meeting with the headmaster. More challenges to my pre-conceived notions. In fact by this time my pre-conceived no-tions are raining down around my ears like bricks in an earthquake.

The school is very expensive for regular people, so taking this step for me would mean going back to work full-time. Full-time work that gives the flexibility of school holidays generally means English teaching. Taking the plunge to educate my children in this way was taking the plunge to educate myself. I am both excited and terrified, like the lead-up to a particularly extreme roller coaster ride.

Yesterday I drove the streets of Nagoya picking up documentation from each of the places I’ve had English teaching experience. I had a folder of all those old lessons I made in my teens. I got a letter from the place I worked when I was married. I got a letter from my counseling supervisor. Driving around Nagoya, I was in fact re-connecting the dots to my life that had brought me to this place. The vibe was electric.

Before I had left home on this journey into my past, I walked past the mailbox in my genkan. Normally the mail stays where it is supposed to in the mailbox, where it might wait for a while until I think to take it upstairs. This day however something had jumped right out of the mailbox and slid onto the floor. I had to either step on it to get out the door, or pick it up. It was a letter from Bethany, a prize in fact that I’d won by writing on this website. Among the photos, the memories of New York, and Bethany’s handwriting, a book-mark fell out of the card she had sent me.

passion

That was the one word on the bookmark. Bethany had sent me the “passion” I’d been lacking on the very day I was most open to it. I drove around the streets with a fervor I’d not felt since zooming through the streets of Nagoya as a relocation consultant. Today I sent off my application to university, yesterday we handed in the application to the International School. I have no idea where any of this is going, but it feels right.

Interesting! I had actually copied and pasted that last posting from a newsletter I write... and the website somehow inserted hyphens everywhere randomly in words. It made it look like I had preconceived no-tions about the International School. They really were NO-tions... they were me blocking the International School out of my life!!!

I am passionate about ...

My daughter
Yoga (was before I became a mom)
Chocolate (was before I became a mom)

After reading these responses, I find myself nodding my head, thing 'yes, that's me too". I am very passionate about my son, how he's feeling, is he happy, how is he doing in school, how is he adjusting to my recent divorce?...they all are so important to me!!! I don't think the types of Moms who aren't passionate about their kids would be members here, striving for a better way of doing everything related to being a Mom!

As mentioned by another member, if you asked me 5 years ago if having a little boy to tkae care of 24/7 would make me happier than anything I have ever done, I probably would not have agreed with that. The experience has changed me forever and I am a different person. I just wish I could have another. (Younger and in a better position)

I am passionate about my career in Direct Marketing, but that is more associated with the feeling you get with the success of a campaign, rather than a passion that I don't feel I could live without.

(BTW...DON'T cancel that "junk mail"...business mail going through the USPS pays for your mail being able to be hand delivered across the entire county for only 41 cents. Personal mail is only a tiny fraction of the mail. Without it, will have to pay for the whole USPS system ourselves. See? I just can't stop sometimes! :-) )